Eye Body Language

Watch the eyes - eye body language is the key!

Dave is a friend of mine who is scared to death to approach women. The only time he talks to a woman he doesn’t know is if she approaches him, if he is introduced to her, or if he knocks her arm and spills her drink (actually, this last one is quite effective so long as you don’t get any of the drink on her!).

I’d been talking with Dave for a long time about approaching women on his own rather than waiting for them to approach him. For the life of me, I couldn’t figure out what the hell his problem was – he’s got that boy next door look about him, even if he is 10 or 15 pounds overweight. And while he’s more on the shy side, he’s got a great personality. It just takes a bit to pull it out of him.

Dave and I would go grocery shopping together every so often. I had a car, Dave didn’t. So I’d give him a call if I was going. At the time we were living in a college town, so single girls were everywhere.

One day in the produce section, I noticed a girl check Dave out as we walked by. I’d never really noticed this before, so I decided to keep it to myself to see what I was missing. In 30 minutes, 4 women checked Dave out!

We got in the car and I mentioned the eye body language I had observed to Dave. It came as no surprise, really, that Dave was completely oblivious. He was, however, astounded that I had noticed and he hadn’t.

You see, like most guys, Dave assumed when a woman checks you out, it’s going to be obvious. But that’s not how it works. Chicks check you out, hoping you will follow up on it. This gets them out of the position of having to put themselves out there, possibly to be rejected. Sound familiar?

Think about what you do when you check a girl out. You see her and your eyes scan her body. Usually you scan her up and down several times. If you’re with a group of guys, likely you’ll elbow one of them and he’ll check her out too. The male version of eye body language is physical and generally shared with his mates, this is what makes it more obvious that it’s happening.

Girls, on the other hand, use eye body language very differently. They will do one quick scan if they see something they like. It’s over in an instant, which is why most guys don’t realize it’s happening. Even if they’re with a girlfriend, they will usually wait until they’re far enough away to say something to their friend. That, or they’ll whisper in her ear and not make a scene about it. Sometimes they don’t say a word. Unless you’re paying close attention, and know what to look for, you’ll miss the opportunity.

Dave started to pay attention to women’s eyes. He began to notice that I was in fact, correct – women were checking him out and he never even realized it. His confidence began to grow.

But Dave still had the fear of approaching women. Even though women were initiating with him by checking him out, it still wasn’t enough. So I decided to take Dave out to a bar to see if I could get him to initiate.

I made Dave watch as I found a woman in the bar I thought was attractive. When I found her, I began to stare. Dave became uncomfortable because, after all, you’re not supposed to stare at people, at least that’s what his mom had taught him. But I made him continue to observe. Eventually the woman looked around the room. Most people do this, especially when in a crowded room such as a bar. People, and especially women, want to be aware of who is around them.

When she looked around the room, her eyes scanned quickly past mine. As quickly as they crossed my face, she brought them back. I smiled. Immediately she turned away and positioned her back to me.

I hadn’t been successful with that woman. But had I been, she would have smiled back, and I would have had my invitation to go and talk to her.

It took Dave a while to work up the guts to actually stare at a woman. Eventually he did, and when he got the timing down right, smiling just as the woman’s eyes lingered on his face, he began to receive his invitations. Approaching them is a whole different story, but at least Dave was beginning to feel some confidence.

Quick body scans are the invitation you are waiting for. But you have to pay close attention the a girls eye body language or you’ll miss them completely!

Related Articles:

Reading Body Language
Body Language Signs
The Art of Body Language
Body Language Mistakes

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