Before You Approach a Woman...

Now that it’s pretty clear that we’re all taking a ride on the same insecurity boat, what are you supposed to do about it - before you approach a woman? It’s time to get out a piece of paper and get real about some things.

It’s impossible to accomplish anything unless you understand all aspects of the task. If you had a problem with the engine in your car, and you were going to fix it, you would need to know:

1. what the problem is;
2. exactly where the problem is;
3. how to fix the problem; and
4. what tools you will need to fix the problem!

But if you don’t know where the engine is, how in the world could you go about fixing the problem in the first place?

In order to fix your problem with going up to a woman and talking to her in the hopes you can get what you want from her, we first need to know a few things.

Writing your answers down on a piece of paper is a powerful way to focus on your problem, as well as the solution. Seeing things in black and white tends to be more powerful than just thinking about them.

First I want you to write down what you want in terms of a relationship. What is your goal in approaching a woman?

• Do you want to meet someone you will spend the rest of your life with?
• Are you hoping to find a girlfriend you can go out with on a regular basis?
• Would you like to meet a girl you can take out every once in a while when you feel like it?
• Are you looking for a friend with benefits?
• Do you just want a one night stand?

Next write down a list of what you want in a woman. These are the characteristics you specifically look for in a woman. Some you probably put more weight on than others. You might want to make your list and then rank order them from most important to least important. Your list might look something like this:

• Smart
• Funny
• Independent
• Strong values/morals (be specific)
• No taller than 5’8”
• Slim to average build
• Athletic / likes to work out (or doesn’t work out / isn’t into working out)
• Has a career
• Has a degree - master’s or higher (or doesn’t have a degree - no more than high school education)
• Doesn’t have kids
• Religious (or not)

You get the picture.

Next you need to make a list of all the things you believe you need to change before you meet a woman. These are the bullshit things you tell yourself you need to change in order to be attractive to a woman. Be as specific as you can.

• Lose 30 pounds
• Get a nicer car
• Get a job that pays more money
• Buy a home

Next, make a list of all of your positive qualities – the attributes that you believe could make you attractive to a woman, if she spent some time looking. For instance:

• Great sense of humor
• Lots of fun
• Motivated
• Animal lover
• Smart

Last you need to make a list of things you have accomplished and/or things you do well. I don’t care how far back you have to reach to come up with positive accomplishments. It should include even the smallest things you have accomplished – no matter how trivial you think those things are. This is an essential step in gaining confidence to get what you want – a woman!

Your list could include things like:

• Own my own car
• Pay my bills on time (most of the time)
• Can cook my own dinner
• Graduated college
• Have a job (and I’ve been there for more than a year!)
• Actually like my job
• Good relationship with my parents
• Lots of friends

Notice the references to things in the past, as well as references to intangible things like a “good relationship with my parents,” or, “like my job.” These are accomplishments just as much as owning a home or a car is a positive accomplishment.

Ideally, you should keep your lists with you at all times, and read it often. Knowing what you want, and knowing what you have to contribute to a relationship (no matter how you define relationship), is an essential step toward your ultimate goal – attracting a woman into your life!

Related Articles:

Trouble Picking Up Women?
The Fear of Change
Are You Looking at The World Through Beer Goggles
Facing Your Shadow Self
How Do you Feel About Women?
What Women Really Want...
More About What Women Really Want...

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